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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26426914">Angel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_jukebox/pseuds/moonlight_jukebox'>moonlight_jukebox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Scars, gender-neutral</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:20:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,327</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26426914</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_jukebox/pseuds/moonlight_jukebox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Reader is afraid that their boyfriend, Dr. Spencer Reid will run when he sees the darkest parts of them. That theory is put to the test when their boyfriend makes a surprise visit after a case.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got a request on Tumblr from a struggling anon. This story means a lot to me. You're beautiful now matter what scars you have, my doves.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It feels silly to say I met the love of my life in a library of all places, but it’s true. My friends always teased me for still going to a public library in the age of e-readers. Don’t get me wrong, I liked my kindle as much as the next person; but there was just something about the feel of a book in your hands, the smell of the ink and the pages. Whenever I was having a hard day, I always went to the library.</p><p>I was browsing through the historical fiction section when I literally <em>ran </em>into him. He was bent down looking at the lower shelf and I almost tripped right over him. He reached out to steady me, his hands settling on my hips. I smiled down at him, feeling myself blush; but the smile he gave me was enough to erase all my embarrassment.</p><p>He said his name was Dr. Spencer Reid, he was an FBI agent that played chess and liked magic tricks. He never wore matching socks and he wrote letters to his mother once a week.</p><p>I was half in love with him by the time he finally asked for my phone number.</p><p>In the six weeks I had had him in my life, things had felt both wonderful and terrifying. Because of Spencer’s job, we very rarely got to spend much time together. I worked full time, but he could get called away at a moment’s notice. I always understood; my guy had lives to save.</p><p>But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him.</p><p>Spencer and I had decided to take things slow. He was very nervous around me whenever things got physical. I think he just felt very self-conscious about himself, which was something I could relate to. I didn’t understand what he had to be concerned about though; Spencer was wonderful.</p><p>He had called me earlier in the afternoon and told me his case was going to be another day at least. His voice betrayed how tired he truly was. I knew these cases…being near so much darkness wore on him.</p><p>The trouble is I was always afraid that he’d see <em>my </em>darkness and decide I wasn’t worth the effort.</p><p>I was sitting on my couch, scrolling through social media when I heard a knock at my door. It was already after 8 pm; I wasn’t quite sure <em>who </em>it could be.</p><p>“Probably the wrong apartment,” I muttered, making my way across my living room. My breath caught in my throat when I saw who was outside the door. I threw the door open without a second thought to what I was wearing or how I looked.</p><p>His face lit up when he saw me, his eyes crinkling at the corners while his arms came out to catch me as I ran to him.</p><p>“What are you doing here!?” I whisper-yelled against his chest. “You said you were still in Tennessee!”</p><p>His warm hands came up to rub my back while he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I know. I lied.” I pulled back to stare at him, my eyebrows pulling down in a frown. “I wanted to surprise you,” my boyfriend said softly. “I missed you.”</p><p>I melted at his words. “I missed you too, Spencer.” I pulled him inside my apartment, locking my front door behind us as he made his way over to the couch. “Did you even go by your apartment first?”</p><p>“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’ in the word while he flopped down on my couch, his long legs spread out in front of him.</p><p>A giggle came out of my mouth before I could stop it. “Are you laughing at me, y/n?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t dream of it, Dr. Reid,” I said with feigned innocence as I walked over to stand in front of him.</p><p>He tried to hold his face in a scowl, but it was no use. "Come here, you." With that he jerked me down on top of him, looking positively delighted at my reaction to his playfulness. His long hands situated my thighs on either side of his slim hips before they moved up to up my face. "Hi," he whispered, pulling my face down to meet his.</p><p>His lips brushed over mine softly at first, then his tongue moved against the seam of my lips; a request for me to open for him.</p><p>I kissed him back eagerly, forgetting all my reservations. I had missed him <em>so </em>much.</p><p>Spencer’s hands slowly started to roam over my body; down my shoulders, then my back, running over my hips before resting on my thighs.</p><p>It wasn’t until I felt his hands slide back up my thighs that I froze, pulling away from him.</p><p>I wasn’t expecting him, I wasn’t expecting to see <em>anybody </em>tonight. Whenever I was home alone, I always just wore shorts and a baggy t-shirt.</p><p><em>Fuck, fuck. Please no, </em>I thought frantically. I wanted to push his hands away, I wanted to jump off his lap and run into my bedroom and lock the door, but I was paralyzed in fear and shame.</p><p>His thumb ran over the crisscrossed scars on my upper thighs before his eyes dropped down. I closed my eyes tightly. I <em>never </em>showed my scars to anyone. <em>Ever. </em>In the few times I’d been intimate with someone, the lights were always off, and I never let them touch my thighs. <em>I was just so happy to see him. </em></p><p>I kept my eyes closed while his other hand moved to my left thigh, finding more scars there. I couldn’t bear to see the revulsion in his eyes that I <em>knew </em>would be there.</p><p>"Angel," he whispered. He'd only called me that nickname a few times before, and it always made my heartache. "Baby, look at me."</p><p>I pried my eyes open, feeling tears prick in the corners. Part of me wanted to <em>apologize </em>to him, which I knew was ridiculous. That’s the thing about shame and trauma, it twists your mind in all sorts of ways.</p><p>His left hand lifted off my right thigh, moving back up to cup my jaw. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered.</p><p>“I was afraid.” My voice was thick with tears.</p><p>Spencer let out a broken sigh before pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around me. I never cried in front of people, but I couldn’t hold my tears in. I rested my head against his shoulder while the tears came out. Tears that came from years of pain, years of shame, and the pure fear that he would see the darkest part of me and then leave.</p><p>His hands rubbed circled up and down my back. “Can you look at me, please?” Once I pulled back to meet his eyes, he spoke again. “I’m so sorry you were ever in pain like this. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. And I’m even more sorry that you felt like you needed to hide it from me.”</p><p>Those soft hands cupped my face again. “You have to know I love you by now, right Angel? I’ve not been very good at hiding it,” he said, huffing out a self-deprecating laugh.</p><p>I was even more stunned at his words because I <em>didn’t </em>know.</p><p>“I love you, y/n. I love every part of you. Even the parts that hurt. I especially love the parts of you that you hate…because they need love the most. So, I’ll love them even when you can’t.”</p><p>Spencer Reid broke my heart in that moment. His soft words were earnest, his eyes were clear. I had never felt anything like this before.</p><p>“I love you too, Spencer,” I whispered; the tears in my eyes this time were there for a different reason.</p><p>He pulled me down to press a soft kiss against my mouth again. “I was hoping you did.”</p>
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